It's positive!

I'm still in shock and haven't been able to marshall my thoughts together properly to post.

June 26, 2012 I decided to poas when I got home.  Did a 4 hour hold and low and behold I got that second pink line!  Around 9 pm after a 6 hour hold, I took a digi.  Positive!

Af is officially a week late.  I've had 3 positive hpts and ask going to the dr. tomorrow for a confirmation blood draw.  Then I can make my first official appointment with my ob!

Dh is excited too! 

I'll have to wait and post more later but I figured it was time to officially end the waiting game!

The Waiting Game...

Just playing the waiting game over here.  I'm late - all of one day, sort of.

Let me explain:  My cycles have been anywhere from 24 - 27 days long (that's a 4 day difference) for the past year.  Regular, but still it can vary.  I have an average cycle of 24 days.  Going by the average - I am now one day late.

However - I am going to give it until the 27th to actually call it "late".

Yesterday, most of my symptoms disappeared with the exception of dull cramps and a killer backache.  However I had to pee so much it was crazy!!!

Today - the cramps showed up briefly after I woke up.  But then I took a nap and they're completely gone.  The backache is so minor as to not really bother me any more.  My head is pounding, and I'm just a wee bit gassy.  I did take a 3 hour nap around noon though!  And my breasts are moderately sore - more painful than they've been all month.

So - I lost some symptoms and gained others.  Oh yeah, and I really ought to mention that yesterday and today I have been a major bitch.  I'm not in a bad mood - just my dh (that jackass) has really gotten on my nerves!  LOL

Other than the bitchiness - it doesn't feel like AF is on her way.  No regular other PMS symptoms.  I'v ebeen having all the PMS symptoms since ovulation.  It's crazy.

I was a good girl and did NOT take a test yesterday and I have not taken one today.  I'm going to try to be a very very very good girl and hold out until either AF shows her ugly face or the 28th.

Keeping my fingers crossed and praying like crazy that she stays away and that a pregnancy test will read positive on Thursday!!!

A killer

Anxiety is a killer!

Sitting here just waiting on af to show. 

I have had some strange symptoms the past few days and lots of symptoms have just gone away. 

Today it's mostly been cramps and back ache and burping a lot.  Also a much more intense need to pee!  It feels like af is about to visit but the cramps are a little different.

But then again I have had cramps every single day since cd 9 so even though I'm cramping today doesn't necessarily mean crap.

I'm not going to call it a missed period until after June 27th.  Just in case I did o late.

Even though I'm certain I o'd the 9th or 10th, butt no later.

All tests have been negative so far.  Last night late I took one just because I couldn't resist.  If I held it just right (right light right angle) I swear I saw the faintest of pink lines but if I moved it a fraction of an inch the line disappeared.  In my mind, head, brain, the rational and logical part of myself I think that I was just imagining things and there want really a line.  But in my heart I truly believe there was.

I'm thinking of taking a digital test in the morning because a lot of people on the forums are getting negatives with the frers and positives with the digitals.

I desperately hope it's positive.  I am beyond ready to get my bfp!

Can't wait for this weekend when I can FINALLY know!

Chart from this website.

I want this weekend to get here so quickly!  This waiting around crap is for the birds!

Some moments I feel absolutely certain that I am pregnant.

Other moments I feel like I'm certainly crazy!

New Question for Fun

Just for kicks, I decided to do another Tarot Reading. 

Deck:  The Llewellyn Tarot
Spread:  Past, Present, Future

Question - Am I pregnant with twins?

The Empress

In the Past position
A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.

Meaning: A kind, capable woman. One who instills confidence in others. A beneficial influence. A strong role model. A woman who promotes and encourages the potential of those around her. A peacemaker and diplomat. An intelligent, calm, mature personality. Determination and dignity. One who teaches by example. A nurturing, considerate person who gives much to the community. Confidence. Empathy. A matriarch. Guidance and support. A mother figure. Security, comfort, and appreciation. Fertility. Personal development. 

Could this be referring to me?  Or my Mom?  My mom had a dream about a year ago that I was going to have twins.  Or could this be the Lady?  The eternal Mother Goddess blessing my life and efforts.  Or even, could this be my daughter?  While not a woman yet (at only 10 years old), she certainly carries many of these traits.

Seven of Cups

In the Present position
A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.

Meaning: Dreams. A fertile imagination. Numerous and sometimes conflicting desires. Dreaming up options. Window shopping for paths and goals. Fertility in mind and spirit. Bemused and confused by the possibilities of options. Unexpected turn of events. Realization of a long shot. Surprises. Triumph of the underdog. Humor, thrills, and vision.


Certainly dreaming of twins.  Would love to have twins.  Is it a long shot?  Yeah.  Will I (and my DH) be surprised?  Yup - he'll faint on the floor of the doctor's office if we find out it's twins.  But could it be more?  

Page of Wands

In the Future position
A card in the right position indicates your questions future.

Meaning: Arrival of a positive phase. Good news brought by a cheerful friend or ally. Youth, potential, and flexibility. Socializing. Being open to new ideas. Stimulation. Broadening horizons. A true, faithful heart. Play and excitement.

I like the whole "arrival of a positive phase".  And Good news brought by a cheerful friend sounds really nice.  My OB is a great joker - he'd absolutely LOVE to bring me that kind of news!!  Potential and flexibility.  Definitely going to need those!  Excitement - I imagine so!

So, twins?  Yea or Nay?  Sounding an awful lot like Yea to me.  O_O  Holy Crap.  LOL 

Personally, I really would love to have twins.  I honestly would love to have 3 kids (total).  My daughter has grown up as an only child for so long and she really hasn't had any playmates.  Even having another baby - she still wouldn't really have a playmate either because of the 11 year age gap.  And I would desperately love it if this new baby had a twin so they could play

Not such a good day

I bought several pregnancy tests yesterday so that I could give in to my "OMG I've GOT to POAS" obsession.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning (on my day off!!) because I had to pee so badly!  And I took a pregnancy test.  Negative.  I know I'm only 9 dpo, but still!  I was hoping to see a tiny faint positive.  *cry*

I went back to sleep because I could!  And when I woke back up almost all of my symptoms are GONE!!!

I have been having MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR pregnancy symptoms.  And now they're all gone!  What the hell is going on?

My back still hurts a little bit and I'm still a little bit bloated (but way less than I was).  The sides of my breasts still hurt.  But that is IT!  No headache, no fatigue.  Nothing.  And yesterday my cramps, headache, and backache were way worse than they've been to date.

Needless to day, I'm all "yeah, not pregnant this cycle.  Just my stupid mind playing tricks on me."  Even though I know it's still too early to tell.  I may not have even implanted yet.  And without implantation there is no hcg.

*shrug*  I just don't know.  And the freakin wait is killing me.


However,

I did another Tarot Reading just for kicks.

Deck: The Llewellyn Tarot
Spread: Hexefus Spread

Question:  Am I still pregnant even though my symptoms have disappeared?

Strength

In the Root position
This card represents the root of the matter; what has gone before, and is directly related to the current situation. Check to see how the energies of this card blend with the other six cards; remember that it moves with each mystery in a different way.

Meaning: Courage. The determination to overcome obstacles. Inner strength. Spiritual strength. Consistent effort. Conviction. Having the strength to persevere. Being able to withstand naysayers and judgments of others and not be deterred. Facing one's fears. Being true. Harnessing passions that threaten to overwhelm but may be tamed with compassion and the will to overcome. Faith. Vitality. Ability to endure failures, losses, and disappointment, and yet keep the faith. Tenacity. Energy and intelligence. Work. Activity. Integrity. Focus and discipline. Overcoming. Outlasting competition or conditions. Reason and passion unite to bring strength. 

Nine of Pentacles

In the Magick position
Here are indicated the energies of the second mystery of magick in the life of the querent. This card shows how we use our gifts, talents, skills, intuition, and psychism; and, in particular, how these gifts should or should not be used at this time. If the querent practices the occult sciences, some indication of that may be found here, if it bears relevance on the question posed.

Meaning: Prudence. Assessment. Tallying. Successful handling of a multifaceted venture. Having speculated and been proven right. Planning and diplomacy. Care in choosing friends and confidants. Compassion, patience, and effort to understand others. Foresight and honourable behavior. Popularity. 

Two of Cups

In the Oath position
This card brings forth the energies of the third mystery of one's oath in the life of the querent; showing what the querent, up to this point, has dedicated his or her life to, what his or her principles are, and how he or she operates according to those values. It may show you what is most important to the querent at this time.

Meaning: Romance, love, attraction of opposites. Union. Magnetism. Dance of courtship. Entwining energies. Sparks. The flow and grace of a natural match. Forming emotional bonds. Sharing, stability in give and take. Balanced ebb and flow of emotions. Curiosity, affection, and excitement. Most often symbolizes a romantic partnership, but may refer to a friendship or alliance with an emotional component and compatibility of a kindred polarity. Engagement or marriage. 

Ten of Wands

In the Karma position
The effects of the fourth mystery of karma or Wyrd in the life of the querent are apparent in this card. It can tell you if the person is working toward good karma, or not so good. Physical birth or death, both of issues and people, may fall here, depending on the question. Indications of past and present actions can assist you in answering the question posed. Financial and mental stability are also reflected in this card.

Meaning: Burden. Rising to a challenge. Not flinching in the face of hard work. Pressure. Effort and time. Asserting oneself. Oppression followed by gain. Sustaining others. Carrying one's weight and more. Saving for a home. Budget restrictions. Perseverance. Suppressing one's needs to accomplish a demanding task. 

The Hanged Man

In the Wisdom position
This card indicates the fifth mystery of wisdom, power, and lineage in the life of the querent. Here you will be able to discover whether or not the querent has used wise counsel, directs his or her power wisely, and how he or she is responding to his or her life's plan. The card can also tell you from what source the querent should draw to assist in the issue at hand.

Meaning: Restraint. Suspension. Stalemate. Atonement. Not being able to make one's influence felt. Being held at a disadvantage. The dull pain born of constraint. Being caught in a web. A freeze on life. Detachment and isolation. Impotence and chastisement. Can mean a punishment, as in the law of retaliation applying to the traitor. Such suspensions can follow betraying one's self in doing or allowing something in one's life that was known to be wrong. Feeling marginalized, which can be a form of protection. Redemption. The silence of constraint brings deeper self-knowledge and sharpens the intuitive senses as a blind man "sees". Tapping a deep root. Uncommon knowledge. A life pared down to the basics. A time of gestation in a borderland state between chapters in life. Self-sacrifice in pursuit of knowledge or a cause. Energy drain. Delays and suspension of plans. A wise temporary surrender. Endurance. Insight. Being still in order to learn the secret to freeing one's self. 

Ace of Wands

In the Outcome position
The final card shows overall advice and counsel on the question asked.

Meaning: Inspiration. Rising to a challenge. Breakthrough in thinking. Self-reliance, spiritual strength, and confidence. Conviction and faith in vision or path. Reason reigning over impulse. Ideas empowered by desire. Creative heights and achievement. Quick thinking, humour, and balance. Revelations and transcendent thoughts. Fruitful plans and far-reaching ideas. Empathy and understanding. Marriage and fertility. 






Favorable tarot in response to my question.  Even with the negative test.  Must keep faith.  Must have just been too early to test.


We'll see.  I will more than likely test tomorrow.  It being the Summer Solstice and all!

 

LOVING my tarot!!!!

I am so loving my tarot readings this week!!  Every single day they are so positive!!

Again the question is: Am I pregnant?

 Selected Deck:  The Llewellyn Tarot
 Selected Layout:  Past, Present, Future

The Empress - Reversed

In the Past position
A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.

Meaning: Doubts and hardship. Turmoil, extravagance. Lack of support or guidance. Cold comfort. Instability. Overly protective behavior. Infertility or unplanned pregnancy.

Yep.  3 unplanned pregnancies in my past - no "am I pregnant?" feelings in 8 very very long years.  Definitely have gone through a dry spell.  Have had doubts for years as to whether or not my Ovarian Cysts & Cervical Cancer ruined my ability to even GET pregnant due to scar tissue on my cervix and other complications.  DH hasn't been supportive about having a baby.  Hardship?  Yeah.

 

Eight of Swords

In the Present position
A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.

Meaning: Frustration and fear. Feeling powerless and at the mercy of outside forces. The controlling behavior of others. Unfair treatment. A pawn. Not having the ability to adequately protect oneself. Vulnerable to deceit. Scapegoat. Pleas falling on deaf ears. Being misunderstood. Being used. A temporary situation that will pass.

Frustrated?  Yes.  My best friend just had her baby - while I'm happy for you I'm frustrated because I want to know where my baby is!!  Fear?  Oh yeah - fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again.  Fear over being able to carry another child.  Feeling powerless?  Most definitely.  I realize that children come from the Lord and Lady and that no matter how hard you wish and dream, Nature will have her way before you get yours.  Please falling on deaf ears.  Need I reiterate about DH not wanting to ttc until now?  But yay for a temporary situation that will pass!!!!!

Ten of Cups

In the Future position
A card in the right position indicates your questions future.

Meaning: Full heart. Blessings. Higher, mature love. True love. Real companionship. Dreams come true. Safety, security, and satisfaction. A giving relationship. Natural order. Home providing joy. Thanksgiving. Trust. A feeling of arrival and freedom. Fruitful partnership. Deep connection. Joining of talents make for a powerful, creative force. Fortunate, natural pairing. Harmony. A dreamy partnership as a source of light and benefit to others.

Remember the question?  The future & answer of my question:  Blessings!  Dreams coming true!  True love & satisfaction!  Fruitful partnership!  Deep connection!  Joining of talents making a creative force!  Natural pairing!  Fortunate!  

Definitely a positive outcome.  It's uncanny how often the tarot cards truly nail the situation.  

I can hardly contain myself until the 21-24th when I can take a pregnancy test!!!  Though of course, I do know what it'll say.  Two pink lines!  Big Fat Positive!!!

This week really needs to speed by!!!