Can't help myself! Another Tarot!

I just couldn't help myself!  Another tarot reading!  And again, quite favorable!


Selected Deck:  The Llewellyn Tarot
Selected Layout:  Hexefus Spread

Hexefus Spread

1. The Root Position
2. The Love Position
3. The Magick Position
4. The Oath Position
5. The Karma Position
6. The Wisdom Position
7. The Outcome Position

My question - all thoughts, energies, vibes, and will focused on: AM I PREGNANT???


My Spread:

 

Seven of Wands

In the Root position
This card represents the root of the matter; what has gone before, and is directly related to the current situation. Check to see how the energies of this card blend with the other six cards; remember that it moves with each mystery in a different way.

Meaning: Courage, determination, and creative thinking. Portends a good time to hazard a gamble. Though the odds may seem against you, there are advantages to your position. The victory of a major battle paves the way to opportunity and a positive cycle in life. Taking a stand. Guarding principles and dreams. Fending off predators. Silencing naysayers. 

Have been desperately trying to get DH to hop aboard the "baby train" and have another baby.  It's been a very long, uphill battle.  But he decided (after a trip to the hospital with chest pains, that YES! it was indeed time to start trying to conceive!

King of Cups

In the Love position
This card shows the energies of the first mystery of universal love in the life of the querent. It explains how the querent's actions manifest in the surrounding world, whether following a harmonious Wyrd or a flawed one. It also describes how the querent perceives his or her relationships with others.

Meaning: A visionary man. A strong, dignified man with a gentle manner who enriches the lives of those around him. An authority. Meaningful accomplishment. Intelligence and influence. Significant artistic abilities. Trust. Ethics. Strength of conviction. Higher principles and higher love. Intuition and foresight. A magnetic, somewhat reclusive, reflective nature.

Meet my husband.

Three of Swords

In the Magick position
Here are indicated the energies of the second mystery of magick in the life of the querent. This card shows how we use our gifts, talents, skills, intuition, and psychism; and, in particular, how these gifts should or should not be used at this time. If the querent practices the occult sciences, some indication of that may be found here, if it bears relevance on the question posed.

Meaning: Heartache. Hurt. Harsh resolution. Distress. Having been abandoned. Severance. Feeling crippled by the weight of past hurts. The pain of being misunderstood or unfairly judged. Rejection. Estrangement. Fear and isolation. Separation. The pain of a triangle dynamic in relationship or interests. The need for mental control over emotions. Frail health. 

Not particularly flattering to me.  But a lot of times, the truth hurts.  

Knight of Wands

In the Oath position
This card brings forth the energies of the third mystery of one's oath in the life of the querent; showing what the querent, up to this point, has dedicated his or her life to, what his or her principles are, and how he or she operates according to those values. It may show you what is most important to the querent at this time.

Meaning: A quick, clever man with a sense of humour. One with an unusual way of looking at life, recognizing patterns and opportunities missed by others. He is somewhat unpredictable, making for stimulating company. A man who inspires with his enthusiasm and gift of language. A considerate and loyal person. A journey or change of residence. Sound instincts. 

Well, I like to think I have a sense of humor and an unusual way of looking at life.  It's funny that this card should pop up in the Oath position too.  This describes my husband almost absolutely.

The Star

In the Karma position
The effects of the fourth mystery of karma or Wyrd in the life of the querent are apparent in this card. It can tell you if the person is working toward good karma, or not so good. Physical birth or death, both of issues and people, may fall here, depending on the question. Indications of past and present actions can assist you in answering the question posed. Financial and mental stability are also reflected in this card.

Meaning: Hope. Inspiration. Guiding star. Moment of grace and peace. Freedom. Early signs of life taking on a new pattern. Freedom after trials. Chance for escape. First sign of dawn. Release. Self-reliance. Clever, inspired ideas. Listening for direction. A quickening. Salvation. Empowerment. Destiny. A time of farseeing. Taking steps to save one's self‹not giving into resignation. Enlightened idea. Planning. Thaw of the ice. Return of life force. Rejuvenation. Drawing strength from nature.

Karma knocks and I answer.  Physical birth of people fall here.  This card represents a quickening.  First sign of dawn.  Early signs of life.  Return of Life Force.  All signs pointing to a favorable outcome (which for me is the answer YES to "Am I pregnant?"

Nine of Swords

In the Wisdom position
This card indicates the fifth mystery of wisdom, power, and lineage in the life of the querent. Here you will be able to discover whether or not the querent has used wise counsel, directs his or her power wisely, and how he or she is responding to his or her life's plan. The card can also tell you from what source the querent should draw to assist in the issue at hand.

Meaning: Nightmares, suspicion, and insecurity. Depression weighing one down. Worry and delays. Longing and misery. Pining for a loved one. Distress and obsession. The haunting of past hurts and injustices. Debilitating, unhealthy situation. Unrelenting enemy. Loneliness. Indecision. Bewilderment. Premature end.  

While I would normally keep all things to myself, this card truly opens things up.  When I got pregnant with my daughter at 17, I went to an adoption agency (before I ever thought of telling my parents I was pregnant) because I thought my parents would feel a tiny bit better for knowing that while I had not been cautious about NOT getting pregnant, I was at least taking responsible steps to remedy the situation.  My mother, being the mother that she is, told me that I "better hold on to this child.  She may be the only one you ever have."

I literally felt the earth suck in a breath when she said that.  Something about my fate changed in that moment.  Events after that have never led me to believe that I was wrong.

I got pregnant again at 18.  Bug was not even a year old yet, I had just finished high school (yes, even though I gave birth to Bug only a month into the school year, I still finished!), and had started my very first year of college.  I made a decision which I'm certain a great many people (especially women who have been ttc for years) would be disgusted by.  But at the time, it was the right choice for me.  I had an abortion.

That decision, while I still feel like it was the right one for me at the time, has haunted me for 10 years.  I went by myself, told no one (except the "sperm donor" [who told me it wasn't his to begin with!  asshole!] and a couple of good friends), had no support of any kind from anyone, and worst of all - after it was all said and done with, as I got up from the table, I actually saw the fetus lying in the bowl.  The memory of that sight has brought me nightmares to this day.

Then, after all that (as if it wasn't enough on its own), I got pregnant again at 20.  (oh to have those easy days of fertility).  I carried that baby to birth.  My son, Alex.  For reasons better left out of a blog post, I gave my son up for adoption.  I kept him for 2 months, and nursed him, so that he would have a better chance at life, while I searched for a new family for him.  Don't misunderstand me, I neither took the decision to give him up for adoption nor the decision of his adoptive family lightly.  I myself am adopted.  The system sometimes truly does work.  Alex was born in 2004.  He is nearly 8 years old.  I get pictures of him from time to time and I know that he is healthy and smart and has a great life.  I couldn't ask, nor provide, for more.  It is not a decision that I regret very often.

Back to what my mother said.  Out of 3 pregnancies, I have only 1 child.  While the other 2 were certainly my own decisions and not miscarriages, the fact remains that I still only have the one child.  I have longed for another baby since I was 22.  The desire has consumed me.  Part of it is probably (if I were honest with myself) to prove my Mother wrong, and the other part is that I just do not feel complete with only one child.  I know that there is another soul who is supposed to be in my life.  I feel it, I know it, I dream of it.  

Page of Cups

In the Outcome position
The final card shows overall advice and counsel on the question asked.

Meaning: Good news. Invitation. A cheerful young person with a trusting heart. Optimism. Romantic interest. Imagination. Playfulness. Artistic abilities. Compassion and understanding. Birth of a child. An accommodating, well-mannered soul. 

I don't believe I could have gotten a clearer meaning to my question.  Remember the question?  "Am I pregnant?"  My outcome, after going through my entire life in the other cards is "Birth of a Child".  According to the tarot, I indeed am pregnant.  

Well then.  I think that between yesterday's positive tarot reading and today's, I should feel much better about my two week wait (so I can test and get a bfp!).  If only it were that easy!!!!

Though I certainly do feel better.  My whole attitude went from sluggishly "ugh" to super excited!

May the Lord and Lady give their blessings that it be so.  So mote it be!